i can 't handle my autistic child anymore

ASD is called a spectrum for a reason. Let them choose whether it's worth the effort to redirect it or not, and give them your full support either way. But now I am. You should probably take this article down. Theres no hidden child underneath the Autism. This article is saying you shouldnt complain, vent etc. Maybe Some of you people are fortunate enough to have an autistic kid that doesnt make yours and everyone around you difficult and at times just plain awful. I am a high functioning autistic woman and I have a high functioning autistic child and a severely autistic learning disabled child. Don't punish/criticize the child or push them to do something if they aren't comfortable, because they'll associate social interactions with negative feelings. Solving the medical problem may make the SIB disappear. i can 't handle my autistic child anymorepower automate do until apply to each. Dont be swayed by this one writers POV. 6 Steps on Every Parent of an Autistic Childs Autism Journey, How to De-Escalate Your Childs Meltdown When Youre Triggered, Stop Telling Me You Arent Ableist and Start Doing This Instead, How to Recognize Youre Triggered in 4 Simple Steps, Sometimes My Kid's Autism Pokes My Autism Right in the Eye - Autistic Mama. Is that what you want? If your child suspects that you may not follow through, he or she is unlikely to stop the behavior. It'll teach them the basics of reciprocal communication (which lays a good foundation for speech), allow them to express themselves, and help get their needs met. then go ahead. You can afford therapy?! Surely you jest. The first six years of my sons life nearly killed me. Publicly trashing your autistic kid is fine, since they dont have feelings anyway. Often manging some of the austic students I have had takes about a quarter to half of your time/energy in some lessons more. I smell sour grapes. The girls he wants to flirt with. Beautifully written! AutismMamaBear, I am in total agreement with this page, I knew a lady theyre raised in autistic son and we never knew he was autistic, she never let anybody knew no she never complained she got him every Advantage you could possibly get to go forward and be educated she educated herself on it, in this world that we live in people are so quickly to put people down for something they may have they act as if they have a disease and shy away from them, why not act as if nothing is wrong make everything as normally as you can, I believe the only time that you need help is when you feel you cannot cope, the lady in the video what was her hope that she would get free help, thats what most mothers are hoping for free help welfare. Now i agree about posting certain stuff online,i myself are private because to me the world does not deserve a front row seat to my family. Ew, neurotypicals. It is a full time job and what about her OWN career? The hell you watch them go through because theyve been thrown into this world alone in their head, us unable to help. At least in my state, special education services for those students who functionally cant understand virtual learning have been ignored completely. Children with autism often need constant supervision to ensure they don't get hurt or run away. If anyone lets on that raising their kids isnt all rainbows and precious moments and is sometimes downright demoralizing, other people automatically assume that the venting parents are terrible, ungrateful and hate their kids. Susan recently postedOvercoming My Biggest Fear. This isnt right, but parents like us are so freaking exhausted just trying to survive, we dont have the strength to demand fair services for our children. When you say that you dont think your child will have any friends ever, youre telling the world that autism makes someone un-loveable. it is indeed a big deal trying to raise and educate them. I promise you, they did their share of complaining as ALL parents do, even those with easy typically developing children, because I have one of those too and YES, I have complained about her too. Keep it in mind, ableist NT mommies. Email me if you need someone to talk to. However there are real limitations to what can be done in a classroom with students. If a child doesn't believe that you will respect verbal or alternative communication, they may act out due to the belief that it is the only way to be acknowledged. K thanks. There are plenty of loving families out there that can treat an autistic child as a human being instead of a broken toy. You may be someones only tie to the autism community. Is hard. I was with you until I got to that list. I don't want my child to have autism anymore. And its still okay for me to break down and have bad days too. Shame on you for trying to shame another autism mum. Dont police yourself when the time comes, youll break. Theres raising awareness, such as explaining what leads to why behaviors happen and ways to mitigate those circumstances. Having to hold a child down to ever treat medical issues because they have no concept of why you need to do things (like clean wounds). Ill ask that you kindly read this post about the harm in functioning labels. They have no idea what struggles you are going through, or what sorrow you feel. (Inside:Dear Autism Moms Please stop complaining about your autistic children Its harmful to your children and the entire autistic community. . As an autistic person and a parent to an autistic child, Im begging you. I do not post about this other than to help others in need. Everyday is a struggle for my and my husband, our child is very difficult, very behind and despite intensive therapy I already can see my future. He screams most of the time hes awake. It can be overwhelming. I can think of nothing more painful than a mother of a child with autism hating on/lecturing and judging another mother of a child with autism because SHE has a different ways of coping with lifes challenges. Autism is one of the pervasive developmental disorders, with symptoms that usually appear before three years of age. My daughter has a fragile bone disorder and were desperate to keep him away from her so that he doesnt break her bones. *This blog is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Parenting an Autistic child is basically me just guessing the best I can to handle a meltdown or sensory overload. Watching your child headbang, scratch, bite, punch themselves for a reason we cant explain, and the helpless feeling of watching that without being able to stop it unless using restraints and emergency medications to sedate. My sons symptoms are severe. Being non-speaking or intellectually disabled (those are VERY different things, by the way) doesnt negate that persons basic right to privacy, dignity, and respect. Critizing disgraceful, toxic content is not censorship. Assume that your child is struggling, not intentionally misbehaving. Perhaps you only spend time in the autistic community but I see posts in my neighborhood mom groups every day with this stuff. You dont want to believe the severely autistic even exist let alone cause their parents heartbreak. That said, a lot of these difficulties arose not directly from the autism but because of the lack of understanding and awareness of it. I don't feel like have an identity anymore. Period. I hear your pain, your fear for your child, how overwhelmed you are. I get it. Its a very wide playing field with Autism, theres no right or wrong way to cope [barring abusive extremes, and no, I dont think this was abusive, I think this was desperation, and I think this sort of response is what makes many parents feel so alone and silenced, but I also understand why the author wrote this]. Parents complain about all their kids at any given time, even the ones who dont have issues. But last night i posted about how exhausted I was (on my private page) because of being sick and him raging, and I dont regret it. Dentist appointment at hospitals because they have to sedate the individual to even look in their mouth. Remember that many autistic people don't like the idea of hurting themselves. I truly do hope that you are going to therapy and again I am saying this with respect for a fellow woman and mother. Smh stop living in a pc fantasy world about true disabilities and stop trying to silence those that are raw and real about real life. Raising a child with autism is a nightmare I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy. Thank you. Theres no support, respite, etc., for our family. You dare nudge others while sitting on your throne of high functioning autism. People need to know what a horrible nightmare it isand how it wrecks lives and marriages. Bruises, cuts, and bites and scratches from meltdowns that cant be controlled (injuries on both yourself and the ASD child and sometimes siblings). Complain out of earshot of your kid who has no way aboiding this on his own. Im not a burden, i am a valuable part of my family. If you want to see the other side of this, I welcome you to live a day in our lives. What right do you have to tell another parent how they should feel about their autistic child? That just means that autistic people have no worth in society unless they can mimic neurotypicals. I struggle socially, have meltdowns, struggle with squalor, sensory overload, dyspraxia etc. Is that complaining? I had a blog where I used to write this same kind of thing, all sunshine and farts about raising my autistic brood. You have no idea what it is like to watch your child suffer everyday from self injurious behaviors, uncontrollable stims, anxiety, depression, fear at every new person and sound. I am being totally sincere not at all sarcastic. She is NOT abusive. We have to force water down just so that she doesnt get dehydrated and end up in the hospital. The police department knows your kid. Please apologize to this mama (and all the other ones out there) for telling her not to speak her voice. To be so disrespectful of anothers choices on how she helps educate the world on the MANY FACES of autism, and those who love them yours, your childs, my child, Coopers mother, me we all have the right to feel how we feel and share what we feel comfortable sharing as THAT CAN HELP OTHER FAMILIES. I know I am not easy, I know I am difficult. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying so. So given that min 25% of typical kids have other speical needs. It is an insult to momsplain that behavior is communication. It would break his heart to hear some of the things these parents are saying about their own children on Social Media and it breaks my heart for all autistics who do see this hate speech. Hey! Clearly hates her child?! are you kiddding me?? I dont agree. Learn the difference. No respite or help. Watching your child in the hospital restrained to a bed because they are severely ill, and have no idea why they need an IV or who the people (doctors and nurses). Always consult a doctor before altering a child's diet. Have u actually rwad the complete article? Were not your pets, were people, and we deserve privacy. For people posting that High-Functioning Autistics are nothing like my kid- sometimes they are. my beloved will never get a drivers license, marry, father a child, hold a job for pay or live independently or understand history or historical figures like MLK,JFK, FDRNONE of them. There isnt a day that goes by that I dont lay down to go to sleep at night and wish, really really wish, to wake up and realize it was just a bad dream I was having. That is the most passive aggressive thing I have ever read in my life. Im sorry, maybe your autistic kid is manageable. Or the kid who makes gorgeous works of art. Thats how we treat him, thats how we talk about him, and thats how we expect the world to treat him as well. The author succeeds at protecting a child from an overreacting mother by giving heads up to that Mom where she errored. I am the mother of a severely autistic child and this life sucks I belong to a support group where we share it all. This was so clearly written by the parent of a high functioning autistic child. I had to quit working because there was no one willing to take care of him once he got older. Spend some time in their world. SOMETHING in our environment is hurting our childrens brains and the result is an epidemic of ADHD, autism, allergies. And I felt totally justified, too. If I refuse thats a meltdown. To call the disorder that has left our children with profound impairments in cognition, communication and behavior a "strange gift," as Silberman does, is truly mind-boggling. If your aim is to show people the ugly with the good, firstly Id consider if your child is happy for their lives to be on the internet and then Id make sure to explain in a cut that you were having a though time and that your feelings, while valid, dont represent everything you experience with your child. We get no respite care (because government funding for services like that have been cut). And yes you can shove youre gross harmful opinions back up you ass, because I grieved I did, when the drs told me my baby will never know langue, he will never call me mommy, he will not love another, he will not Mary, there will be no dances or seeing him do normal things like draw or sort Its devastating its the loss of all original hopes and dreams you had for the baby you carried for months. Were not allowed to be ourselves because we embarrass YOU. Everyone has bad days, but this post outlines why to stop complaining about your autistic children and what you can do instead!). Those are the exceptional few on the spectrum. During these stories, appreciate what your child is trying to convey, and ask a question or two if you want to understand better. You dont even know what youre talking about. I have had many F U, autism! moments, but I know hes even more frustrated than I am. My daughter knows she has some hurdles to overcome due to her autism but not coddle them cuz life wont coddle them and how are you preparing them for when your gone. Its just not okay at all. I wonder why is this so easy for other moms? Just as your parents supported you. At least everyone else here has direct experience with autism (they have a child with autism or are on the spectrum themselves). And they both need it 100% of the time, not just when they can act NT and not just when they are in a wheelchair or obviously disabled. No ones perfect, this thread sure as heck isnt. This may occur in children with autism along with many other symptoms that point to autism . Im not a complaining mama, but your litmus test for what to share will stick with me long-term. Otherwise shut your trap about things you have no experience, or no clue about. Autism at the very least requires significantly more support than it currently receives. That way, the disappointment wouldnt be so great. The child should feel respected and be able to meaningfully say no. SO this is not that. Hun. This is the most ass backwards post Ive ever read. Most of the comments here mention things that arent even autism-related. You very likely need MORE support than I do, and thats valid! Don't force your child to spend time with bullies or unkind children. While I agree that someone publicly shaming their disabled (or even typical) child is a disgraceful thing, what you are describing sounds more like the mom had a mental breakdown. Complain if you must, but theres a time and place for everything. Can you imagine reading this out loud to your child? Okay, but where else can these people vent? Your child may point out certain ingredients as "gross" or "scary." Some of the best sources of vitamin B6 include sunflower seeds, pistachio nuts, fish, poultry, pork, beef, prunes, raisins, bananas, avocados, and spinach. During self-injury, endorphins are released, which inhibit the individual from feeling much pain while making them feel happier. He doesnt need to see every word youve ever written to get the idea from someone whos read your work that theres a part of him you hate and want gone forever. My son is 15, weighs 175 pounds, and is 64. Think about it If a couple went to a concert, and the wife got overwhelmed and overstimulated, and she had a panic attack, Then the husband posted a video on Facebook talking about how EMBARASSING his wife was and how hard it made his life, How no one would love her because shes different How frustrating it is that he had to give up on his wife and her future, Many would call him emotionally abusive, and rightfully so. What she said was 1) there are appropriate, safe places to vent, 2) those are not a public forum, and 3) dont talk like your child is unlovable. Write about your frustrations in a private journal. If the problem is about the other parents reactions, the rest about how no one else cares about your child doesnt need to be said. I watched the video thats being quoted in this article, what I saw was a Mother who was vulnerable, clearly struggling, sharing real, raw and valid emotions with the world. Just as behaviors are. have you ever met autistic children at the level 3 end of the spectrum? You probably didnt even read the article. Why? Stop trying to hide them like they used to hide people with mental illness in institutions with physical & chemical restraints. And several of their parents complained about them not getting enough individual help/support. If your child doesnt have an intellectual disability, they can understand EVERYTHING you say! Your child is crying for help and you choose to demonize them. People like YOU should be shamed, not US for trying to educate you on how to actually not dehumanize your child, or US. Most kids who are autistic ARE identifiable as autistic . Solitude. Some of the best sources of calcium include milk, cheese, yogurt, spinach, kale, okra, collards, soybeans, white beans, and calcium-fortified juices and cereals. We just saw a grandmother kill her twin autistic boys recently. I find it great that the internet creates the possibility for parents of autistic children to support each other. So just stop. Im struggling. far more than a typical child. She shares emotions and feelings that most of us keep buried and are too ashamed to admit to ourselves. If someone needs support, then they should receive it any way they can. Its not the same. I dont criticize that woman for trying to take her child to see something she thought he might like. Please listen to what this amazing lady has to say and show more respect. Parenting an autistic child gets easier as they get older. Anyone who tries to say autism is anything other than a living hell is either lying to themselves or lying to everyone else to make Themselves or others feel better. Google them. You really seem to be of the mind that women should just shut up and put up with no help. My son is nonverbal, aggressive, on meds and not toilet trained at 7. Sensitive to the way her clothes felt from a very early age, potty trained before 2 because she didn't like diapers, couldn't wear socks, underwear, tags on clothes, or jeans due to the way they felt. She cries that her son wont be a doctor. everyone struggles and we all do and say things in the heat of the moment when tired, unhappy or stressed. Likewise, you learn that to vent to certain sources doesnt help. I cant drive with him because he kicks me in the back of the head and pulls my hair. You make money off your childs Autism, but have the nerve to try and shame another mom. Always ask a doctor before placing your child on a new diet. Well, bitch, because the normal child can do the most basic things in life. A common symptom of autism, btw; weve spent countless hours trying to TEACH empathy and it is very hard to teach. Your child may learn to communicate very well in alternative ways, such as sign language, typing, facilitated communication, and more. I am a parent of a severely autistic adult and HE IS NOT AND NEVER HAS BEEN A BURDEN and I presume competence (as we all should for anyone with serious communication challenges), it would break his heart to hear me say something like that about him. Mediocre gene pool, probably. This post is just totally off. Thanks a lot for such useful. Every day. Signed, an autistic. Some days better than others. The fact you are autistic muddies your POV. And yes, lets be honest here, if you child is severely autistic, then yes they are a burden on the parents. There are tons of autistic groups where non-autistic parents are not allowed and the the kids will finally feel accepted. Autistics should be treated with the dignity of every other person, including speaking about them in a public forum. Im too smart to be Autistic. Sorry as a teacher I have to jump in here. WHO will love and care for him after his father and I are gone? That is not whining that is a fact. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. So if I have to complain I will do it because it really is difficult. It is different. Your child may not sit still, but mild/moderate fidgeting can be enough to help them focus. But it is wrong to disparage those of us who are not so fortunate, we have very real concerns about the growing epidemic of autismYES it is an epidemic even the CDC admits it is NOT just better diagnosis. The key to understanding how to calm an autistic child lies with understanding what it is that triggers the behavior. But Im going to say something that may be a bit unpopular. Fuck you first of all for telling anyone to hold it in and not to speak. Don't feel bad if your child never learns to speak. Have you worked on non-verbal communication skills? They might one day, no one knows your autistic childs future. When you say that autism ruined your marriage, youre telling people to fear autistic people. Many autism-related organizations treat autistic children like burdens and spread the rhetoric of abuse. I know it can feel very lonely but your not alone Brittany. Right? And I have yet to have a single class without a child with austim most have several. He can go to the bathroom on his own and even though he didnt go to mes school he still has the possibility to think of what he wants his life to be. Avoid pretending to understand, because your child can probably tell you're faking it. When I have 27-33 kids in one room it is basically impossible meet the needs of every student let alone the students with austim. Because I fucking do,and its so depressing to read everyone always saying how great it is and you must be a bad mom if its not rain bows and perfect. When your child is severe,it is like nothing you have ever seen. You should have SOME idea of what autism is and what its not, but it seems like youre making up your own symptoms because thats how YOUR child is. My son is severe ASD and I often need to talk or vent, and I absolutely detest autism, and the things autism does to my son and our family, but in no way does that mean I hate him. Knowing your child will need 24/7 care the rest of their life, and knowing you will die first, and who then will love them as much and take as good of care as the deserve. If you loved this post, you might also enjoy. Everyone is coming from a different perspective. Forces to quit jobs to stay home with the severe individual, living in near poverty, and always fighting to get your child disability services. I work 7.30 hrs from home while she is sat on me and sleep on me. No sleep for days because of severe ASD insomnia (the ASD individuals insomnia which causes family members and caregivers to also have to no sleep). If you agree with this and you want a safe space online where you can learn and grow as an autism advocate, click here to tell me a bit about your situation and join the Embracing Autism Facebook Group! Thats private information, and no parent to a NT child would ever do that. I KNOW I was. Perhaps you need them to transport your person with autism to a medical facility for an evaluation or to a crisis intervention program (if your community is so . I think doing this by responding to a support thread is great. Dear AutisticMama I had to throw out every hope and dream I ever had not just for myself but for them too and instead I just count the days as they go by getting nothing meaningful done except care for two individuals who will never become anything except a burden on someone else in the future after I get too old to care for them. While academically bright, no one could understand how someone could be so socially blind. The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. Yes, vent, complain etc but not on the internet to strangers. This article is good that woman that posted that video deserves to be called out for her mistakes. It is exhausting living with a full grown man with the IQ of a toddler. Watching your child uncomfortable in their own skin. Would you assume that no one besides you would ever care about your child? Fecal matter on walls and furniture, sometimes multiple times a day. The more issues you have (like autism) the harder and more difficult life becomes. But if I find that I need support, I will post on a support thread without hesitation. This article is hogwash. Surely we have to bring it back to the child first and foremost.it made me very sad to watch this childs needs clearly not being met. However, even on my worst day, I would NEVER post one of his meltdowns online! Dont be judgmental to other autism moms, that is just wrong. This is the first step to know whether what youre about to share is over the line. Or how we traumatize doctors and nurses because it takes 5 people to restrain her just so she can have a basic check up? Privacy is one thing, the topic of privacy compiled with suggestions of martyr syndrome and vitriol is a lil nuts. Some objective points, but the majority was a joke. You still gunna tell me to shut my mouth and pretended thats not terrifying? You know how those of us labeled high functioning are just the stereotypical geniuses therefore nothing could ever go wrong with us??? He sleeps with a stuffed animal every night (and I could use one too). It helps if the people around them can be a calming influence. This is a child almost my height who still can't put on his own clothes, brush his own teeth or dry himself after a bath. That is your autism talking. Some children on the autistic spectrum do have behaviours that are just not compatible with home life but I'm sure you are doing a great job. Weve tried. Trampolines, exercise balls, tree-climbing, swimming, recreational sports, and going on walks can help hyperactive children get the stimulation they need, so they can. The kind of mom who would make one of these namby-pamby videos and have the idiocy to post it has issues beyond her child with autism. Thank you Faith. Well, as an autistic adult who is struggling badly with self-worth and Googling Am I a Burden? these abusive, unhinged comments have clearly allowed me to see that its actually not me thats a problem for existing. You went no contact? The prevalence of adults with autism is on the rise and the reason is really quite simple: more children diagnosed with autism means, in the long run, more adults with autism. In most instances with your child, it's not truly an emergency and both you and your child will benefit from putting the breaks on, and then following up when your ready with a more supportive and effective response. I havent seen this particular video (dont plan to, either), but I see a lot of this stuff on Facebook, etc. Neurodiversity Doesnt Exclude Your Child You do. Theres venting which needs to be done in an appropriate place, whether the child is neurotypical, autistic, or has ADHD. When pushed to do something they don't want to do, your child may throw a fit. WRONG! There is nothing wrong about a parent complaining or feeling sorrow for their autistic child. our children already have enough to deal with day and night. What makes it so different to talk about it in private versus on social media. Other Sections Tips and Warnings Related Articles References Co-authored by Luna Rose Last Updated: March 29, 2022 References I mean, the whole nine yards. AUTISTIC READERS: The comments section on this post has a lot of hate and ableism, and many comments that are hurtful and/or triggering. PLEASE start talking to autistic adults. Would you care if he wet the bed and poops in his bathwater, cant talk and doesnt understand what you are trying to express, runs out in traffic, doesnt understand that certain things can hurt him or others, pushes children off jungle gyms?

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